And the Winner is...

A film that boasts, 'A Hair Raising Comedy!'
A film that inspired such comments as:

"I thought the plot of the movie was a nightmare i had. But recounting my nightmare to people they said there was no way that was a kids movie."

"I vividly recall ejecting the tape from our VCR and smashing it to pieces with my brother. We might have set it aflame, too."

"What kind of movie tells little children that expectant mothers eat dirt?"

"I once broke my toe and it made me cry...just like this movie"

This person was so freaked out that she had to invent a word to describe it.

"I have NEVER, NEVER seen a childrens movie that was so weird and absurdistic as this one."

The Peanut Butter Solution.
Basically it's that old, old tale we've heard a thousand times. Boy goes into haunted house, boy gets so scared his hair falls out, boy creates a magical hair regrowth paste out of peanut butter, boys hair never stops growing, boy's evil teacher kidnaps boy to use his hair to make paintbrushes which boy's teacher uses to create magical paintings that you can walk into, eventually leading to his own demise. How many times have we heard that old chestnut.

Never. And there's a bloody good reason for that. It's freaking terrifying.
Not to mention the strange sub-plot where the mum goes away and the 10 year old daughter starts to behave like a 40 year old woman in her stead, or the fact that Celine Dion composed the soundtrack.

Take your freaky paintbrushes and ghosts and blenders and wigs and sugar trails and paintings and get the hell away from me!

I did, however, like the random Asian kid who always wanted 'delicious grapes'.