And I Thought I Had Nothing To Say Today

Man Forced To Marry Goat

From correspondents in Malakal, Sudan

February 27, 2006

A MAN caught “in flagrante delicto” with a goat has been forced to marry the animal.

According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat’s owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.

“It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house,” Mr Alifi said.

“Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. “ When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife.”

Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.“We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together,” Mr Alifi told the Post.

Just A Big Bunch O Nothin

Nothing to report.

Just Like So

Make Me So Angry

This stupid marketing blog makes me so angered... It's just packed with wisdom such as:

"The Number One reason for any size business to advertise on TV, Radio, or in Print is to motivate your employees."

"Make the call to action the HERO of your ad as in--'Call Us Now! You will get right through to an experienced professional ready and able to assist you!'"

"You need a personality to be the "face" of your business. Not just a logo, a slogan, or a picture of your product."

I'm sure CocaCola Man would agree with the last one.
And the bit that made the soapbox anger happen:

"Think of every potential customer as 65 years old with poor eyesight. Even if your market is teenagers this rule applies... Whatever your art director recommends--insist the body copy type size be doubled or tripled. Afterall, THE objective is to be read! And, no white reverse type--ever."

THIS is what keeps me stuck at my desk until all hours of the night, re-doing perfectly fine, well thought out work. People are not going to read something that looks like it was designed for a dyslexic four year old and should be in a chew-proof plastic book that you can take in the bath. If the market is teenagers, design for teenagers, not the elderly... cause they ain't gonna appreciate it. Ain't appreciating it = aint gonna read it = dumb waste of my time.

No wonder you're selling freaking Leadership E-books with a picture of yourself on the front, not making millions of dollars in the advertising industry, Curs-ed Propaganda Man.

Snuff & Nonsense

Are they seriously?
They took my Mighty Boosh/Marenghi guys and made another show? Could my life be any happier? Ah Snuff Box... how i'll miss you until such a day that you're played on our TVs here in the land that time forgot. But until then I'll just watch you here and here.

"The show is set in a Gentlemen's Club for Hangmen and features a hanging per episode, plus time travel, a variety of sports, fighting, shouting, rude words, guest appearances from Elton John, David Bowie and Adam Ant, pleasure, dancing and intrigue."

Sometimes I Worry About Myself

Looking through my current (ie. not bored of it enough to buy a new one yet even though it's not full) concepting notebook, I've come to this stunning conclusion: I'm a freaking freak. Good thing I have a job in advertising.

Keep me away from your children.

Inappropriate Punctuation 'Included'.

Hey kids! Feeling concerned about those 'innermost' thoughts?
'Afraid' you're going to 'hell'?

We can help! Come visit us at Books by Black Exgay Authors.

And why not check out our testimonials?

"Greetings in the name of Jesus Christ, I find this site most helpful in the battle against Lucifer and his minions. I am a former wanna be Pimp who spent a great deal of time hanging around prostitutes. When your on the stroll you find both female and male prostitutes, so I am quite familiar with one of the darkest elements that Satan rifles the unsaved with. Glory to God I escaped that hell-bound way of life to became a saint of God. Thank You Jesus."

The Power Is... Whose?

I was watching a bit of arvo TV on the weekend and found this cartoon where 5 teenagers are chosen to protect the world and given the elemental powers of Earth, Fire, Water etc. There's a blonde, a readhead, a brunette, an Asian girl, and an African American, and when their powers combine they're more powerful than ever before.

It's Disney's new cartoon W.I.T.C.H.
Make me so angry.

The Adventures, the Zooniverse, the Hair

So The Mighty Boosh Series 2 is on DVD... Do i fork the $45 bucks to buy it online or do i wait til December 2015 for it to come here? Dilemmas.

For the Love of Having a Beer Account

Why is life so unkind?

You Can't Be Seriously

Spicks and Specks generally teaches me everything i know. But could this fresh faced young new wavey 80's popper really turn out to be Ricky Gervais? Well possibly, he does have the same hair and a lovely manicured brow. And the same head. Meanwhile, the other bloke looks like someone... but i can't work out who. I'm getting Frenzal Rhomb vibes. Oh well, I'm off to eat a Rose of the Prophet Mohammad.
Never trust a man with a wooden leg.

I'll Never Buy Brand X Again

Well this is pretty cool. I hope they go all out gross, I saw an ad on the telly that showed a mouth cancer picture on a box. It looked like the chick who was on Extreme Makeover last night.

The Devil Loves Pink

Ok, here's something i came across in my travels... I highly recommend that you don't click here and especially don't watch the movie trailer because it's highly disturbing and a bit yucky. (I saw the name, I thought I'd see what it was all about...) But my most favourite bit, and the reason for posting it on here, is that the director has made a written pact with the devil. Then he coloured it in with pretty colours.

Just So Full of Cool

Pandora.com. Admittedly sometimes it gets confused and thinks that the Dissociatives sound like Savage Garden, but on the whole, most cool.

New information to hand:
I've just realised that The Dissociatives DO sound like Savage Garden when their record company pays you enough.

And 30 Miles Home

It's raining today. On that topic, check this out... a New York photography project where shots are taken from exactly the same spots as shots from the 30s. These ones are of Market Street from 1935 and then 1998 by Douglas Levere (granted that perhaps they should do a 2006 version). Just clicky here to reminisce about how you used to walk 20 miles to school every day without complaining (in the snow).

More More Gilmore

Ok, so I'm addicted to The Gilmore Girls.
Those crazy women with their intellectual banter and a combined vernacular the size of a really big thing, will they ever not have something insightful to say?
Plus I have the added incentive to watch cause I have to keep an eye on the older one, my lovely boyfriend is going to leave me for her if she comes close enough.


If you need further proof that it's cool, this Family Guy episode tells us so.
But if I haven't managed to persuade you, this website pretty much confirms that you're right and destroys my credibility forever more.

Just Hangin Out Pouch Style

While on this topic... I just remembered Dot and the Kangaroo. Not terrifying, but i thought it was weird that i can still remember the voices of the characters. It's a bit of an odd concept, but it was written in 1899, before brains were invented.

And the Winner is...

A film that boasts, 'A Hair Raising Comedy!'
A film that inspired such comments as:

"I thought the plot of the movie was a nightmare i had. But recounting my nightmare to people they said there was no way that was a kids movie."

"I vividly recall ejecting the tape from our VCR and smashing it to pieces with my brother. We might have set it aflame, too."

"What kind of movie tells little children that expectant mothers eat dirt?"

"I once broke my toe and it made me cry...just like this movie"

This person was so freaked out that she had to invent a word to describe it.

"I have NEVER, NEVER seen a childrens movie that was so weird and absurdistic as this one."

The Peanut Butter Solution.
Basically it's that old, old tale we've heard a thousand times. Boy goes into haunted house, boy gets so scared his hair falls out, boy creates a magical hair regrowth paste out of peanut butter, boys hair never stops growing, boy's evil teacher kidnaps boy to use his hair to make paintbrushes which boy's teacher uses to create magical paintings that you can walk into, eventually leading to his own demise. How many times have we heard that old chestnut.

Never. And there's a bloody good reason for that. It's freaking terrifying.
Not to mention the strange sub-plot where the mum goes away and the 10 year old daughter starts to behave like a 40 year old woman in her stead, or the fact that Celine Dion composed the soundtrack.

Take your freaky paintbrushes and ghosts and blenders and wigs and sugar trails and paintings and get the hell away from me!

I did, however, like the random Asian kid who always wanted 'delicious grapes'.

No wonder she ended up in The Craft

Second most Terrifying Children's Movie of all time? Return to Oz. Jesus Christ. Robot men, pumpkin-headed adolescents made of sticks calling you 'mum', rocks that come alive and eat you, evil soldiers with wheels for hands, a flying moose-head-couch, and to top it off, an evil queen who's HEAD COMES OFF AND SHE SWAPS IT FOR THE HEADS OF PEOPLE SHE HAS TURNED TO STONE.
Actually, I should have realised it was evil in the first 5 minutes when Dorothy (who is now about 5 years younger looking) is carted off to the clinic for electro-shock treatment because she thinks Oz is a real place.
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Spot the Difference

If i had recently been lying on a psyciatrists couch I'm sure that he (let's face it, he's a man) would have come to the conclusion that my general insanity comes from that small dark place in my head where I store all memories of terrifying movies I watched as a child. And he's right. No wonder I pay him so well in those sweet, sweet imaginary dollars.
What were they thinking back then? And you know the worst thing? They try to smooth it over now, like we're the insane ones and it was never terrifying... Look at what they have done to the new cover of The Water Babies. Does the picture on the right even teensily resemble the terrifying 1978 animation on the left? No, he looks like a strapping young boy enjoying a friendly frolic in fairyland, not a terrifying whitey freak singing 'hie cocalorum' with a scottish lobster and a french muscateer swordfish in Dead Man's Pool (or some similarly named evil green body of water).
And hang on... where did the happy rat and his friend the frog come from? I'm fairly certain that there were no such characters. You can't just invent characters on the DVD cover! It's the whole Empire Records dog scandal all over again. Stay tuned for the next installment of Terrifying Childhood Movies.

Ting!

I just went to the denty which i was dreading as per usual... but behold! I've got the best dentist ever. Geoff the Dentist is his name (how did his mother know?) and this is your formal letter of recommendation to go and see him. You know, when you've saved up. And now I'll go back to chewing on the inside of my mouth like a true numb-faced person should.

Shocking Like a Fox

Oh, this filum looks pretty...

It's Like a Hair Buffet

Awww this is me and my brothies... I'm the oldest but they all outgrew me somewhere around march. Dumb.

That Crazy Jack and his Anecdotes

Ohhhhh Jack White is being all individual from his wife-sister and hooking up with some other dudes... Heard their new song thismorn, my official opinion is 'meh' but i'll probably be in love with them in a few days. Meanwhile, they have a cool website. With the clicking here... and the going there... and the linking pages...

Here Kitty, Kitty JESUS!

Cyclops Kitty
Originally uploaded by riksta9.

Awww so a cute :) He will be mine and I will call him Fifi.
Well as you have guessed (with only minimal prompting) we're back from ye olde trip so what is to become of the trip blog? Well, as you may also have guessed, it becomes one of the many self satisfying blogs in Blogland, as it evolves into Rikki's random blog about things. Hurrah!
Has a nice day, and write me the messages!